With the start of a brand new year, it’s time to re-evaluate the needs of your aging mom and dad. A few minutes’ time invested on the front end will pay off in less stress on you, the adult caregiver, and even more important, in the knowledge that your parents’ care will not fall through the cracks of your own busy life.
Everyone’s family situation is different, of course, but here is a basic list of areas to consider:
- Schedule an annual physical for Mom and Dad, including prescription evaluation, noting of weight gain or loss, mood changes, and vision and hearing assessment. If need be, see respective specialists.
Something as seemingly innocuous as a five pound weight loss could be indicative of your parent not getting enough nourishment–especially if there is a corresponding mood shift. Is your mom or dad depressed? Has there been a loss within the family? It may be that your parent is simply getting older and is unable to cook for him or herself appropriately.
- Do a walk-through of Mom and Dad’s house to see where improvements need to be made, be it for safety or for maintenance. Look closely at areas that could pose a falling hazard, such as area rugs, frayed carpeting, loose walkway bricks, etc. Most seniors wish to live in their homes for as long as possible, so be on the lookout for ways to keep your parents’ home livable for them. Does the toilet seat need raising? Have you installed a safety bar in the shower? This past blog post offers a wealth of information on the subject of aging in place: http://movingparents.org/2011/04/.
- Get a perspective from outside your own bubble. Talk to other family members who don’t see your parents as often as you do, who may have gathered during the holidays and noted changes in your mom or dad that you can’t see (or don’t want to). Even neighbors might be able to offer insight into physical or behavioral shifts or slow-downs. Tell them that you’re seeking their help. … What changes have they seen in your parents that you should be aware of?
Now is the time to think of ways to make the coming months easier for your entire family by implementing support, which may be as simple as arranging for a house-cleaning and/or lawn care service, a dog walker, or even a local Meals on Wheels to provide the backup care your folks have been needing.
- Ask Mom and Dad if they’re up to date on their legal documents, such as health, auto, renters or home insurance. Have they filed their taxes? Who is the executor of their will? You and your parents may not enjoy talking about all of these subjects, but
have this difficult talk especially: what to do as they continue to age; it’s natural. It’s important that you and any other decision makers know how to respect your parents’ wishes as their lives continue. The only way you’ll know how to do so is to ask now, in advance of the situation. Do you know where to find the keys to your dad’s safety deposit box? Do you know whether your mom wants to grow old in your childhood home, or whether she’d enjoy the company of others in a seniors’ community? What will you do with all of her furniture, or was she planning on gifting it to you and your siblings? And by the way… who gets what?
Nobody likes to ponder the finality of the future, but the reality is getting there as a member of today’s sandwich generation is so much easier when you have an organized plan. Best of all, you show your parents the respect they deserve on the journey.
I am here to help you and your loved ones find your way on this path. Please contact me any time.
~Rabbi Scott Saulson, Ph.D.
